Comments on: Is It Sexual Addiction or Is It Sexual Sin?

By: RickL

RickL — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:52:41 +0000

Christians who work the 12 steps to overcome drugs and alcohol are able to grasp the idea that their problems are both sins AND addictions. I’m not sure why sexual sin, when that sin is compulsive, repetitive and overwhelming, can’t also be seen as sexual addiction. There is a fear that Christians who respect or use the 12 step method are soft on sin, and for many of us, that is a misrepresentation of what we believe.

We despise our sin, we are humbling ourselves and asking God for his forgiveness, mercy, deliverance and power over this problem. I don’t see any violations of Scripture for a believer who follows that path, and it illustrates how the 12-step method can, in the life of the committed believer, reinforce (not contradict) what he has learned in Scripture. It is no different than my Pledge of Allegiance to the flag, which is a pledge of loyalty to my country but which in no case undermines my greater loyalty to God.

I have spent long hours talking with Christians who work with inner city drug addicts, and they swear by the power of 12-step methods that are bathed in biblical principles. They call it the Christian 12-step method and have seen no other approach that works as well.

A final thought: there may be some in the addiction community who will not tolerate the concept of “sin,” and instead talk of the problem as a “disease” to be treated. But the Christian does not have that luxury. He must call it a sin — but can he not also call it a sinful addiction? I say yes.

By: Isabelle I.

Isabelle I. — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:56:38 +0000

What then is the solution for a wife who loves her husband and family, yet who’s husband does not believe he has a problem/addiction/sin issue? Yet he lives a secret life of porn, women, etc. Does she kick him out of the home until he gets help on his own? How does a wife urge her husband to want to “renew his mind”? Is a separation the only hope? Please help.

By: David Morgret

David Morgret — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 02:52:48 +0000

The key to my freedom from sexual sin came when I took the words of Romans 12:1-2 to heart–”Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Yes, 12-Step programs helped; counseling helped; and my connection to Battleplan Ministries helped.

In the end, it was when I chose with God’s power to quit putting garbage into my mind through my eyes and heart of lust, that I found victory through the “Renewing of my mind.” Thanks be to God who gives us the victory.

Rev. David Morgret

By: DAVID LAMONT

DAVID LAMONT — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:18:00 +0000

Re-reading the article, something struck me, and it may be that I am just “slow.” and it is implicit within “False Intimacy.” The Gen. 6:5 verse is quite emphatic: every, only, continuously leaves no room for doubt as to all human motivation, apart from grace.

Every choice of an addict, his/her only source of satisfaction, is continuously for self and sin, lust, and everything other than God’s commands. It can be no other way.

So, as Abraham Kuyper pointed out over 100 years ago, the heart of man is either directed toward God or away from God. This is the core of most reformed thinking.

So, one could make a case that addicts exist: sin addicts, and for this there is only one cure: changing of the heart by gracious intervention, redemption, and regeneration. Behaviors, outside influences, parents, abuse, etc. just are not the issue.

It seems so simple, why has the church missed it? Deception, distraction, apostasy, BUT THE GATES OF HELL WILL NOT PREVAIL, even if they do in individual hearts of sinners, but not in the face of electing grace, which is love.

By: Andy

Andy — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:03:58 +0000

I am not surprised at the responses. Some people feel it is better to have an excuse for sin, rather than to hold oneself accountable for the damage caused by sin.
I was one of them. It was much easier to blame my spouse for her issues, then to own up to what I knew to be sin and how it had damaged my entire surroundings.
If I didn’t know better or if I didn’t read God’s word, than I would agree that “God just wired me this way” and that I have no defense against the war within my mind. But that’s not what the word says. Paul said in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created for good works in Christ”. Romans 12:1 “He calls us to offer up ourselves a living sacrifice”. (as sung by Keith Green lol)
Resigning myself to my thoughts wouldn’t heal my marriage, it wouldn’t help me have “real” intimate relationships with those in my family. (spouse, children)
Just as a child would justify the pleasure he got from stealing little things from a store, which the law says is illegal, but he enjoyed so much he kept doing it. Until he gets caught and suffers consequences. Only then could he reason the right from wrong, because of the pointing out of immoral misconduct and character shortcomings.
And so, just as sexual sin is accepted by the world and is not technically illegal, it does not mean my flesh is not in a battle against my knowledge of right and wrong, my mind and my flesh.
We have made such a mistake, not discerning the truth from a lie. We are making excuses for and have clouded our reasoning concerning disciplining our children, ourselves and our leaders.
To come to a place in life, where we have grown so hard and cold to gross sin, that politicians and the media are glorifying adultery, making statements of justification for the people who condemn the same acts they perform. It is so delusional and it’s so hard to believe the statements (excuses) themselves, that when you hear them, your face is literally twisting. (ie.the NY senator)
This includes the church, which I am apart of, that has made itself numb and justified by a false grace and mercy teaching that goes against the truth which Paul states in Roman’s 6:15 “What then? Are we to sin “because we are not under the law but grace? By no means! 16 Do you not know that if you present yourself to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?” 17 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed.
I liked the cushy gospel. It was easy to justify and cover my sin by false grace and false mercy and drag Jesus back through the mud of my sin in which I had been saved. By saying “my sin was like Paul’s thorn in his flesh”. Wow that was a stretch!! But I made it work every time I fell into temptation. Not truly knowing mercy and grace, I used it on my path to hell.
Men of God rise up!.
It hurts when we’re exposed, it’s embarrassing, it’s demeaning, it holds us in captivity and is painful and messy to clean up. It effects all of those that come in contact with us. It’s all that and more. It’s SIN that’s why Jesus came down from the thrown, to expose and break the works of the devil.
…..If we don’t admit it how can it be forgiven?
Sincerely, Andy

By: Aaron

Aaron — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:36:54 +0000

I agree with Rick’s comment. Sin is absolutely sin and we should never water it down; however, the human brain is part of God’s incredible design and as we engage in sinful behavior it most definately has a huge impact. I appreciate the following:

Buried deep in the center of the brain are several large aggregates of limbic structures and nuclei,
which are preeminent in the control of memory, emotion, learning, dreaming, attention, pleasure,
reward, and arousal. It controls the perception and expression of emotional, motivational, sexual,
and social behavior including the formation of loving attachments. The limbic system not only
controls the capacity to experience love and sorrow, but it governs and monitors internal
homeostasis and basic needs such as hunger and thirst. This includes the cravings for
pleasure-inducing drugs, food, sex, and other real or imagined needs. This limbic system is
part of what the Bible calls the heart.

By: Rick

Rick — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:48:15 +0000

While we agree on the fact that pornography is a sin, to deny that people do experience sexual addictions is not reality. It’s nice to say that sin and addiction can’t coexist, but the evidence demonstrates they do coexist; particularly in the believer who still struggles with the “sin.” There is plenty of clinical evidence to demonstrate that sexual addictions and gambling for example, do generate internal release of neuro-chemicals, many of which resemble and behave like addicting analgesics and cocaine. This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but rather strengthens the idea that addictions and sin are powerful forces that only God can restore and heal.

By: Dorn Checkley

Dorn Checkley — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:22:11 +0000

Dear Dr. Schaumburg,

The following is a letter that I wrote to Christianity Today about the sex addiction article. (They won’t print it because it’s too long.) I come to a similar conclusion as you, but I’m grappling with the role of the sex hormone system.

What do you think?

I think of sex addiction as a behavioral addiction, although I believe the diagnosis of ‘addiction’ is applied too casually and doesn’t really apply to many of the men and women struggling with sexual sin and brokenness.

Recently, it has occured to me that what we frequently label ‘sex addiction’ is actually ‘stubborn avoidance’ of dealing with lust, pain and intimacy.

I’m interested in hearing from you if you care to reply.

Dorn Checkley

March 11, 2008

Dear Christianity Today,

Your recent cover article, “Addicted to Sex”, shined light on the secret sin that is undermining men and marriages throughout society. Several key truths were clearly expressed — namely that shame and secrecy is the chain that keeps men locked in sexual addiction, that recovery begins with confession and sobriety is maintained through confession to accountability partners.

However, I feel that one key issue remained muddled in John Kennedy’s article and that is the role hormones play in sexual addiction.

Kennedy’s quotes and summaries of experts variously conclude that “sexual addiction is…a harmful behavior with a strong biochemical component”; “…sex addiction [is] is both a sinful choice and a biological disease”; “People can’t change the sin until they address the disease part, meaning the neurochemical craving that overwhelms them.”

All these statements, and others, contain elements of truth but also some muddled thinking.

God created our sexual hormone system and it is good. Sex is rewarded with extremely pleasurable secretions of dopamine. Oxetocin is also released during sexual activity and signals us to make deep emotional bonds with the source of our pleasure. It would not necessarily be an overstatement to assert that due to these hormones, and others, God intended us to be “sexually addicted” to our spouses. We overwhelmingly repeat behavior that is rewarded with pleasure. If God’s purpose for us is to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ then our sexual hormone system seems to be designed to make sure that it will happen. How then can we in any sense call the hormone system He created a “disease”?

Sex addiction is only analogous to drug addiction because of the pleasure/reward of the hormone dopamine. Drugs are a third party alteration of normal brain chemistry. For instance, we now know that opiates trigger the brain into releasing high levels of dopamine. Most anyone would want to repeat that pleasure by taking the drug again. However, the brain naturally responds to this misappropriation of dopamine by starting to restrict its release when continuously triggered by opiates. Thus the need for increasing amounts of opiates to achieve the same euphoria reached in the early uses of the drug. There are even indications that the brains of addicts may be permanently damaged by opiates in the proper (God-ordained) release of dopamine for functions such as sleep. There is no evidence what-so-ever that anything similar to this alteration of brain chemistry happens because of sex — even a lot of it. The only thing that happens is what God intended to happen. (There are people with imbalances of sexual hormones, but the role of those imbalances in addiction has not been made clear at all.)

Our key problem in sexual addiction is that orgasms and the natural release of dopamine are not morally cued. If orgasms exploded in pain rather than pleasure when we performed immoral sexual acts then there would be no sexual immorality or addiction. Keeping that thought in mind, we must conclude that sexual addiction is classic reward conditioning with antecedent factors such as family system issues, sexual abuse, stress and cultural cues, playing a strong causal and/or exacerbating role.

The problem of cultural cues has become the most prominent factor in sexual addiction. For the past two generations ‘Ms. Centerfold’ has been the first lover of almost all Western men starting from around 12 years of age. We have been masturbating to a powerful and ubiquitous fantasy lover during the first 4 to 7 years of our sexual development before we have a real sexual experience with a human being. Further complicating matters is that the first real sexual experience for the vast majority of us is not in the context of marriage.

Is it any wonder then that a large number of us stick with our first and most familiar lover? Or that we drag ‘Ms. July’ into our marriages? Or that we compulsively seek the pleasure of self stimulation when stressed or sexually cued?

We also overlook (as Kennedy’s article did) and understudy (as most research psychologists do) the roles of envy and fear in sexual immorality and addiction. Pornography does not merely inflame sexual desire, it also subtly communicates powerful sexual values and standards. Porn pushes our envy button hard as it encourages us to constantly make comparisons of beauty, performance and sexual status — which leads to discontentment with our own sex lives. Further, I contend that one of the primary effects pornography has upon young men is fear. When a 12 to 16 year old boy measures himself against the exaggerated sexuality of pornography he frequently comes up short. Am I manly enough? Handsome enough? Big enough? Can I make love for hours? Will she have multiple orgasms? What if I fail? Will she reject me? Porn for many young men has the paradoxical effect of inhibiting their sexual confidence — and consequently keeping them locked in the sexually immature fantasy world of porn.

What God has revealed to us in the Bible is that making proper choices for the context of sexual activity is the key to avoiding immorality and addiction. In this sense sexual addiction may be defined as the failure to learn sexual boundaries, and/or the abandonment of them, and then allowing the hormone system of sex to reinforce immoral and compulsive behavior. Until it is definitively proven that the sex hormone system of addicts is altered or damaged in some way, we cannot define sex addiction as a ‘disease’. Even as an analogy it is not helpful to understanding and healing this widespread problem.

Sincerely,

Dorn Checkley, Director
WholeHearted.org & Pittsburgh Coalition Against Pornography

By: Dr. Schaumburg

Dr. Schaumburg — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 20:13:03 +0000

@Jim K.

The existence of the incomplete gospel is both heart breaking and tragic. I believe it is so rampant in the church today because with over 2500 people coming to Stone Gate from 50 states and 17 countries, I see many who have the incomplete gospel. That phenomena , I believe, is why so many who come to Stone Gate say to us, “Why have we never heard this message before?” And then they say, “All you are teaching is the gospel.” They simply haven’t heard the complete gospel. It is shocking!

By: Dr. Schaumburg

Dr. Schaumburg — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 20:00:33 +0000

@Kevin:

I wrote you a lengthy personal email in response to your post but it appears that your email address is bogus. Email me and I’ll send you my response. In future posts I will address the critical issue of why a Christian struggling with sexual sin can’t get victory of his behavior after confession and crying out to God. The experience of failure does not justify new explanations of disease, brain chemical, or addiction. We need a solid biblical understanding for the failure.